I was once glued in a situation where my mind turned into a monster. Slowly killing my good thoughts one by one and the bad ones come to life. The monster has the ability to bring back the repressed memories by the way. Some people who know nothing about me yet acts as if they know a lot are the accessories to the crime why the good memories are dying.
My self-esteem dropped so hard to the ground that I looked down to myself way too low. It feels like you can’t light your own match while others started fire of their own already. The disappointment inside me burst into jealousy as I was watching the beautiful flames of others. The lifelines I thought were helpful turns out to be an additional burden. The accessories to the crime were laughing back and forth as they watched me slowly being eaten by my own self. From time to time, it breeds to depression, as depressions starts with disappointments. It sucks but I’ll admit, I’ve experienced depression.
Those were traps, traps that I couldn’t avoid. I thought it wouldn’t affect me at all, but at the end of the day, I found myself regretting and losing myself. I regret that I let them belittle me. I regret that I didn’t say a word. I regret that I let them define me. And yes, I lose myself in the process of saying “I AM OKAY” when in reality I am a volcano ready to burst. I thought i would never find a way out, but I was wrong. I’ve learned that not allowing the monster swallow me and to believe in myself first and foremost are two of the best way out of the trap.